An Easy Way To Fix Squeaky Floors From the Top

I dislike squeaky floors, especially since I live underneath one. You can fix them from the top and through carpet.

"Floors and stairs only squeak when you're doing something sneaky, like coming back to bed after an ice cream binge at 4:00 a.m. But you don't have to get caught. Let me share my espionage tactics.

If you've got plank floors, memorize which boards squeak and step deftly over them. I use the word 'deftly' with authority, since my stairs have four squeaky steps in succession, meaning I have to haul myself over this thigh-killing span using only the feeble banister for support.

If you have carpet laid over floorboards, you can't just count planks and avoid the noisy ones. No, you need landmarks that help you pilot safely around squeaks hidden under monochromatic broadloom. I personally navigate using a cluster of cat-barf stains that looks just like Orion's Belt, as well as an explosive-looking discolouration where I once dropped a whole pot of cheese fondue."

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